We’ve all seen commercials for natural makeup. While it sounds great in theory, the price often deters us from trying it. However, you may find you actually save money by looking for makeup that uses natural ingredients versus chemicals.
Take a minute and look at the ingredients in your foundation or concealer. Do you notice a bunch of words you can’t even pronounce? Most of the ingredients are likely preservatives to extend your makeup’s lifespan. Since it’s only safe to use makeup for a set period anyway, preservatives aren’t all that necessary. Other chemical ingredients can lead to issues such as rashes, breakouts and even hormone problems.
For more information, check out this great entry at: http://www.onefaceinamillion.com/is-natural-makeup-worth-the-price/46568/
I personally like to wear makeup with products that are safe and natural. I have been told I have great skin. I don't take long, hot showers (try to limit your showers to 10-15min. tops). If you have seen that Doctor Oz episode, it talks about the dangers of really long, hot showers. Your skin pays the price. My rule: If I cannot pronounce the product ingredient, I look it up. I like to research what I am using. I want to give my skin the respect it deserves. It is the biggest organ of your body. Treat it right! I moisturize morning and night. I use toner. I use eye cream. Ya, it seems like a lot, but it became a routine for me. I don't look it at it negatively. I see the results it is giving me. I am thankful.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Are you in a Controlling Relationship?
Clues:
-Physical abuse
Controlling people sometimes elicit physical abuse in order to show dominance over their partner. If you are being harmed in any way, it is time to get away, no questions asked.
-Quick Attraction
Often times, a controller seeks out an immediate commitment, on many levels, to gain control. They overwhelm you with kind words, gifts, and promises in order to charm you. They amp up the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship by talking about the future (marriage and growing old together) and proclaiming their love for you within the first few weeks of dating. They often want to move in with you or marry you very early on as well. These rapid loving feelings can point towards the same quick detachment from you in the future.
-Everything is your fault
No matter what happens, you are the one who faces the blame. If you come to your partner with a problem or concern about something they are doing, a controller will often turn it around and say that their behavior is somehow a reflection of something you did. A controller never takes responsibility for their poor behavior.
-Communication is avoided
If you express a concern, it is turned right back around on you, which can be referred to as “echoing.” For example, if you tell your partner not to talk over you, they respond with “You are the one who is always talking over me.” This prevents them for having to take responsibility for their actions, turn the fault around on you, and also avoid having to properly discuss any problems or concerns you may have.
-You don’t get heard
If you express a concern, whether it is about the relationship or something going on in your own life, you get talked over or just disregarded all together. If you offer suggestions, those will also get disregarded because they see your opinion as less valuable. Often, no matter how you phrase things or talk in a positive light, there can be backlash from the controlling member of the relationship.
-You are forced to give up relationships/cut off support
If someone is telling you the relationship you are involved in is bad for you, you might begin to second-guess yourself. This is a major reason the controller wants to get you away from the people you are close to. It starts with the controller telling you how badly your friends/family are treating you, how they don’t understand or appreciate you, or give negative opinions about these people. As time passes, your partner will get upset when you talk to or about the people you are close to and often times chastise you for it through verbal punishment, interrogation, or abuse. This too will get tiring for you so, rather than face these conflicts, many withdraw from friends/family. Your loved ones will most be upset with you for it as well, putting you in the middle and unfairly forcing you to end up choosing between the two sides.
-Nothing you do is ever enough
Don’t ever believe that you’re not good enough. Sure, there may be people who are better than you at certain things in life, just like you have your own skill set, but a partner should make you feel valued. Controllers will nit-pick your behavior and point out all your “flaws” to make you lower you self-worth. After your confidence has lowered, their hope is that you will realize how lucky you are to have someone who puts up with someone “inadequate.” If you are in a relationship, you should see each other as equals – nothing more, nothing less.
-Friends and family dislike him/her
Your friends and family are on the outside looking in. While the only ones who truly know a relationship are the people involved in it, there are times when loved ones opinions do matter. It is different when everyone you know doesn’t like who you are in a relationship with instead of just one or two people having complaints. Take their opinions with a grain of salt, but remember that it can certainly mean something when you are the only one not against the relationship. Also, your partner may try to convince you that your friends/family are not against him, but instead are against you and your happiness. This is a big red flag that your partner is trying to manipulate you away from any other external influencers.
-Walking on eggshells
Are you afraid to bring things up because of the backlash you always face? Someone with a controlling personality can make you feel afraid to mention simple things like running into a friend or questioning something. This can also make you feel on-edge and tense, which is not how you should feel around the one you love.
-Extreme temper outbursts
When the relationship begins, you’ll most likely just hear about their violent temper. Over time, you will be witness to their temper problems – throwing things, yelling, driving too fast, punching/kicking things, etc. They promise they will never turn the violence in your direction, but that doesn’t mean it never happens. Extreme yelling or raised voices will be very apparent in an argument with this person. Also, a lot of times, the controller will brag about their power and temper. They do it out of pride and also to remind you of what they are capable of.
-Bad stories
You can learn a lot about people by the stories they tell about themselves. The most basic level of this is when you enter a new relationship and ask for stories to learn more about the other person’s personality. This reflects what they find interesting and impressive about themselves. Controllers may brag about their behaviors and the ending of all past relationships is never their fault and that they did everything right or had their compassion taken advantage of. They will brag about things you know are not something to be proud of, such as stealing, violence, or criminal records. Read between the lines of their stories for personality traits they are explaining.
*Not only are these experiences negative while they’re happening, but they can be damaging after the relationship ends. The harmful partner can change your views on love and also hurt your relationships with other people. For more info:
http://vawprevention.org/2011/08/19/warning-signs-of-a-controlling-relationship/
Be aware of these signs and write things down (with times and dates). It is good to monitor how often these signs are showing up. The good thing about writing the times and dates as well, is that if it happens to go to court for any reason, you have proof of this treatment. It is truly sad that we would have to resort to some of these things, but if there is no proof, no one may believe you, and you get to see for yourself how often it is taking place. It is hard for a controlling person to change. Keep yourself safe. You are just as valid as they are, and you have a right to your opinion. No one can tell you how to be and who you should be friends with (above all else, if they care about you, they will trust you. Of course, that changes if you have given them a reason not to trust you). Don't ever let them get so far as to try to isolate you from your family (they should want to be a part of your family, not try to seperate it). You get to choose how much power these people receive. It is similar to bullying. They will continue to bully if they know you will not stand up for yourself. If you need support, talk to a professional or even a close friend/family member.
-Physical abuse
Controlling people sometimes elicit physical abuse in order to show dominance over their partner. If you are being harmed in any way, it is time to get away, no questions asked.
-Quick Attraction
Often times, a controller seeks out an immediate commitment, on many levels, to gain control. They overwhelm you with kind words, gifts, and promises in order to charm you. They amp up the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship by talking about the future (marriage and growing old together) and proclaiming their love for you within the first few weeks of dating. They often want to move in with you or marry you very early on as well. These rapid loving feelings can point towards the same quick detachment from you in the future.
-Everything is your fault
No matter what happens, you are the one who faces the blame. If you come to your partner with a problem or concern about something they are doing, a controller will often turn it around and say that their behavior is somehow a reflection of something you did. A controller never takes responsibility for their poor behavior.
-Communication is avoided
If you express a concern, it is turned right back around on you, which can be referred to as “echoing.” For example, if you tell your partner not to talk over you, they respond with “You are the one who is always talking over me.” This prevents them for having to take responsibility for their actions, turn the fault around on you, and also avoid having to properly discuss any problems or concerns you may have.
-You don’t get heard
If you express a concern, whether it is about the relationship or something going on in your own life, you get talked over or just disregarded all together. If you offer suggestions, those will also get disregarded because they see your opinion as less valuable. Often, no matter how you phrase things or talk in a positive light, there can be backlash from the controlling member of the relationship.
-You are forced to give up relationships/cut off support
If someone is telling you the relationship you are involved in is bad for you, you might begin to second-guess yourself. This is a major reason the controller wants to get you away from the people you are close to. It starts with the controller telling you how badly your friends/family are treating you, how they don’t understand or appreciate you, or give negative opinions about these people. As time passes, your partner will get upset when you talk to or about the people you are close to and often times chastise you for it through verbal punishment, interrogation, or abuse. This too will get tiring for you so, rather than face these conflicts, many withdraw from friends/family. Your loved ones will most be upset with you for it as well, putting you in the middle and unfairly forcing you to end up choosing between the two sides.
-Nothing you do is ever enough
Don’t ever believe that you’re not good enough. Sure, there may be people who are better than you at certain things in life, just like you have your own skill set, but a partner should make you feel valued. Controllers will nit-pick your behavior and point out all your “flaws” to make you lower you self-worth. After your confidence has lowered, their hope is that you will realize how lucky you are to have someone who puts up with someone “inadequate.” If you are in a relationship, you should see each other as equals – nothing more, nothing less.
-Friends and family dislike him/her
Your friends and family are on the outside looking in. While the only ones who truly know a relationship are the people involved in it, there are times when loved ones opinions do matter. It is different when everyone you know doesn’t like who you are in a relationship with instead of just one or two people having complaints. Take their opinions with a grain of salt, but remember that it can certainly mean something when you are the only one not against the relationship. Also, your partner may try to convince you that your friends/family are not against him, but instead are against you and your happiness. This is a big red flag that your partner is trying to manipulate you away from any other external influencers.
-Walking on eggshells
Are you afraid to bring things up because of the backlash you always face? Someone with a controlling personality can make you feel afraid to mention simple things like running into a friend or questioning something. This can also make you feel on-edge and tense, which is not how you should feel around the one you love.
-Extreme temper outbursts
When the relationship begins, you’ll most likely just hear about their violent temper. Over time, you will be witness to their temper problems – throwing things, yelling, driving too fast, punching/kicking things, etc. They promise they will never turn the violence in your direction, but that doesn’t mean it never happens. Extreme yelling or raised voices will be very apparent in an argument with this person. Also, a lot of times, the controller will brag about their power and temper. They do it out of pride and also to remind you of what they are capable of.
-Bad stories
You can learn a lot about people by the stories they tell about themselves. The most basic level of this is when you enter a new relationship and ask for stories to learn more about the other person’s personality. This reflects what they find interesting and impressive about themselves. Controllers may brag about their behaviors and the ending of all past relationships is never their fault and that they did everything right or had their compassion taken advantage of. They will brag about things you know are not something to be proud of, such as stealing, violence, or criminal records. Read between the lines of their stories for personality traits they are explaining.
*Not only are these experiences negative while they’re happening, but they can be damaging after the relationship ends. The harmful partner can change your views on love and also hurt your relationships with other people. For more info:
http://vawprevention.org/2011/08/19/warning-signs-of-a-controlling-relationship/
Be aware of these signs and write things down (with times and dates). It is good to monitor how often these signs are showing up. The good thing about writing the times and dates as well, is that if it happens to go to court for any reason, you have proof of this treatment. It is truly sad that we would have to resort to some of these things, but if there is no proof, no one may believe you, and you get to see for yourself how often it is taking place. It is hard for a controlling person to change. Keep yourself safe. You are just as valid as they are, and you have a right to your opinion. No one can tell you how to be and who you should be friends with (above all else, if they care about you, they will trust you. Of course, that changes if you have given them a reason not to trust you). Don't ever let them get so far as to try to isolate you from your family (they should want to be a part of your family, not try to seperate it). You get to choose how much power these people receive. It is similar to bullying. They will continue to bully if they know you will not stand up for yourself. If you need support, talk to a professional or even a close friend/family member.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Anger-Steps to Help you Get through It
Common Ingredients of Anger:
Negative emotions like anger kick us into survival mode, as if saying to our body, “we are in danger”. There is a physiological change that takes place in our body to prepare us for fight or flight. These physical responses disrupt the natural flow of energy in our body – affecting our heart, immune system, digestion and hormone production. A negative emotion is therefore toxic to the body and interferes with its harmonious functioning and balance.
When negative feelings arise, we have two choices,
The fastest way to change negative feelings is by changing our physical position right away. The easiest way to physically change is by moving our eye position. When we are in a negative state, we are likely looking down. Suddenly looking up (into our visual plane) will interrupt the negative patterns of sinking into the quick sand of bad feelings.
Any sudden physical change will do the trick:
2. “What Do You Want?”
Sit down and write down exactly what it is that you want out of the current situation. Your job is to describe the end result you would like to see. Be clear, realistic and fair. Be specific with your description. Including dates of when you would like to see the results.
Once you have this clearly mapped out, and when you find yourself drifting into negative thoughts of what you don’t want, you can shift your focus on this list instead.
Also, when we do this exercise consciously, we’ll come to find that the arbitrary and materialistic things that we thought we wanted, aren’t want we want, after all. Clarity is a beautiful thing.
3. Eliminate: Don’t, Not, No
Words such as Don’t, Not, No, Can’t gets us focused on the things that we don’t want. Language is a powerful thing and can influence our subconscious mind, and ultimately our feelings. When you catch yourself using a negated word, see if you can replace it with another word of opposing meaning. Example: instead of saying “I don’t want war”, say “I want peace”.
4. Finding the Light
Darkness can only be eliminated when there is light (like a lamp, or sunlight). In the same way, negative things can only be replaced by positive things. Remember that regardless of what is happening to us externally, or how bad things appear in our mind, we always have the choice to speak and see things positively.
I know this is harder to do when you’re in midst of heated emotions, but I’m a big believer that there is something to be learned from every situation we encounter. Look for the lesson. Find something about the situation that you’ve gained, whether it’s a material possession or an understanding or a personal growth. Find the light so you can uncover the darkness of your mind.
Become mindful. Watch your thoughts and learn to separate your thoughts from your own identity. Your thoughts are not you.
Things will play out regardless of whether we become emotional or not. Trust that the universe will work its course and do its job. By not surrendering, we get worked up for nothing, and our body will suffer as a result of it.
6. Circle of Influence
When we are feeling down, it’s easy to be sucked into the downward spiral of bad feelings. It really doesn’t help to be around others complaining about the same issues. It’s counter-productive to getting well.
Instead, find a group of people with a positive outlook. When we are around such a group of people, they will remind us of things we already know deep within us, we can start to recognize the good, and the positives. When we are down, we can draw energy from them in order to rise above the problem and negative state.
In the same way that being around negative people can affect you in a negative way, being around happy and optimistic people can raise our awareness, and help us move out of the un-resourceful state.
These are just a few examples. For more examples, refer to this link:
http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/15-simple-ways-to-overcome-anger/
- Unfairness – We believe that we have been treated unfairly. We tell ourselves that we deserve more, and we buy into this story that someone has wronged us.
- Lost - We feel that we have lost something that we have identified ourselves with. Feelings, pride, money, car, job.
- Blame – We blame other people or external situations for having caused our loss, for taking advantage of us unfairly. The blame often only resides in our heads and is a product of our imagination. We fail to see things from other people’s perspectives. We become deeply selfish.
- Pain - We experience pain, mental distress, and anxiety. The pain causes physical responses in our body, which disturbs our natural energy flow and state of wellbeing.
- Focus - We focus on the thing we don’t want, and energize it by complaining about it passionately, and repeating it to as many people who will listen. This creates a downward spiral of anger. “What we focus on expands”, this is true regardless of the emotion.
Negative emotions like anger kick us into survival mode, as if saying to our body, “we are in danger”. There is a physiological change that takes place in our body to prepare us for fight or flight. These physical responses disrupt the natural flow of energy in our body – affecting our heart, immune system, digestion and hormone production. A negative emotion is therefore toxic to the body and interferes with its harmonious functioning and balance.
When negative feelings arise, we have two choices,
- To follow the habitual pattern we’ve learned since we were young, to react and allow the negativity to consume us.
- Or, to interrupt the pattern we have been conditioned to follow, and in doing so build new neural pathways that allows for alternative possibilities.
- Visual - Change your thoughts.
- Verbal – Change your language.
- Kinesthetic – Change your physical position.
The fastest way to change negative feelings is by changing our physical position right away. The easiest way to physically change is by moving our eye position. When we are in a negative state, we are likely looking down. Suddenly looking up (into our visual plane) will interrupt the negative patterns of sinking into the quick sand of bad feelings.
Any sudden physical change will do the trick:
- Stand up and stretch while letting out an audible sigh.
- Exaggerate and change your facial expressions.
- Walk over to a window where there is sunlight.
- Do 10 jumping jacks.
- Do a ridiculous dance that pokes fun at you.
- Massage the back of your neck with one hand while singing happy birthday.
2. “What Do You Want?”
Sit down and write down exactly what it is that you want out of the current situation. Your job is to describe the end result you would like to see. Be clear, realistic and fair. Be specific with your description. Including dates of when you would like to see the results.
Once you have this clearly mapped out, and when you find yourself drifting into negative thoughts of what you don’t want, you can shift your focus on this list instead.
Also, when we do this exercise consciously, we’ll come to find that the arbitrary and materialistic things that we thought we wanted, aren’t want we want, after all. Clarity is a beautiful thing.
3. Eliminate: Don’t, Not, No
Words such as Don’t, Not, No, Can’t gets us focused on the things that we don’t want. Language is a powerful thing and can influence our subconscious mind, and ultimately our feelings. When you catch yourself using a negated word, see if you can replace it with another word of opposing meaning. Example: instead of saying “I don’t want war”, say “I want peace”.
4. Finding the Light
Darkness can only be eliminated when there is light (like a lamp, or sunlight). In the same way, negative things can only be replaced by positive things. Remember that regardless of what is happening to us externally, or how bad things appear in our mind, we always have the choice to speak and see things positively.
I know this is harder to do when you’re in midst of heated emotions, but I’m a big believer that there is something to be learned from every situation we encounter. Look for the lesson. Find something about the situation that you’ve gained, whether it’s a material possession or an understanding or a personal growth. Find the light so you can uncover the darkness of your mind.
5. Surrender
Surrender to our ego’s need to be right, to blame, to be spiteful, and to be revengeful. Surrender to the moment. Surrender to the pull to become worked-up by the situation.Become mindful. Watch your thoughts and learn to separate your thoughts from your own identity. Your thoughts are not you.
Things will play out regardless of whether we become emotional or not. Trust that the universe will work its course and do its job. By not surrendering, we get worked up for nothing, and our body will suffer as a result of it.
6. Circle of Influence
When we are feeling down, it’s easy to be sucked into the downward spiral of bad feelings. It really doesn’t help to be around others complaining about the same issues. It’s counter-productive to getting well.
Instead, find a group of people with a positive outlook. When we are around such a group of people, they will remind us of things we already know deep within us, we can start to recognize the good, and the positives. When we are down, we can draw energy from them in order to rise above the problem and negative state.
In the same way that being around negative people can affect you in a negative way, being around happy and optimistic people can raise our awareness, and help us move out of the un-resourceful state.
These are just a few examples. For more examples, refer to this link:
http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/15-simple-ways-to-overcome-anger/
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