This is not some women's lib message that bashes men...I want to start by saying that first and foremost. Men are crucial in assisting women develop relationships, and of course so much more (but we won't get into any of that in this message).
However, in many cases women depend on men way too much! It is unhealthy to think of men as the only way we define who we are. Women, if you are in a relationship with a man, I am telling you that it is unfair to him to expect him to empower you. It is not a man's job to lift you up. It's your job. What would you do if you didn't have a man? Would you melt away into the cracks of the sidewalk? I highly doubt it. What you would do, is simply learn to accept who you are and walk in confidence, or be unhappy for the rest of your life because you can't accept yourself (I don't like this option).
By the way, a little side note: Men dig women who are confident. They don't want a sniveling, depressed woman leaning on them to always make her feel good about herself.
I can say all this because at one point, I was always struggling with who I was. I had a low self-esteem and based on some of my past family situations, became confused with confidence. Because I knew nothing about being confident, I ended up dating at a young age (yes, 15 is young, ok). The bad part of this dating process, was that I went into the relationship with a low self-esteem. Don't get into a relationship with someone if you don't feel good about yourself (just a tip). Why? Well, I ended up leaning on my boyfriend for the emptiness that I was feeling about myself. It was a huge burden for him of course, because it always seemed no matter what he said or did, it was never good enough. Yup, that's right, you have to want to believe what this person is saying about you. If you don't, they can give you the moon and be the best mate you have ever had, but it won't amount to much in your eyes. Sad.
Needless to say, he started to resent me. I was too much for him. I had way too much emotional baggage that he didn't cause, but I was looking to him to fix. Shame on me. He just wanted a fun date life, not a crazy commitment of being a pyschologist. Face your fears on your own.
Now, don't get me wrong, men should compliment their women, and do some sweet things for them, but if you already have a negative look on things, you may not even accept their kind gestures of affection. I had to teach myself to say thank you, when I would receive a compliment. It wasn't easy. The one thing that assisted me a lot in boosting my self-esteem, was learning to be independent. Learning to not have to lean on a man for support of any kind. Especially emotional support. If I could be happy in my own skin without being in a relationship with a man, then I was on the right track.
All of this means, that even if your boyfriend or husband lacks in the area of compliments and romantic acts, that you will not all of a sudden keel over and die. You may want to remind your spouse that you would like a little more attention in some areas, but you shouldn't need it to be happy. I hope all of this makes sense.
This was brought on by a text message from a dear friend having a hard time leaving a destructive relationship with a man. She was afraid of the unknown (being alone). I gave her some advice similar to this. Change is sometimes scary, but it can be good for us. We need to learn to be ok on our own as individuals. We need to believe in ourselves and what we can accomplish aside from people around us. Who are you? Are you confident? Do you believe that you are a strong person? i hope that this empowers you to check yourself. Don't lean on people for happiness or worth. You are worth it all on your own! You are special and the world wouldn't be the same without you!
written by the author of this blog with love <3
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